This weekend is Qixi Festival. Do you have any plans? In the past, I would watch fireworks at Dadaocheng with a few friends, sipping some drinks by the river and marveling at the fireworks. Whether you have a partner for Qixi or not doesn’t matter, because loneliness has never been about having a partner or having someone by your side. Qixi Festival is a day to remind yourself to love yourself! Today, let's talk about how to not feel lonely even when you’re alone.

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Recently, many of my friends have faced setbacks in their relationships, feeling unloved and abandoned. I always remind them that not being loved by an ex or not being attached to a former partner isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Breaking up doesn’t mean you are unloved, as there are countless forms of love in the world, far beyond the love your ex couldn’t give you.

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I am very fond of Korean writer Park Sang-young’s work "Love in a Big City," which discusses various forms of love in the international metropolis of Seoul, including familial love, friendship, and romantic love. These different kinds of love together make up the love in a big city.

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I believe Liang Jingru's song "The Third Party" is one of the best love songs of our time. The lyrics clearly point out several myths about love, such as "No one must love anyone, even if they fall out of love, it’s not an unforgivable crime" and "He is just the most innocent third party, the difficulties between us existed before he appeared." Relationships are mutual, and sometimes we just want to fool ourselves.

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You can end a relationship due to your partner's infidelity, but don’t forget, you can't stop loving yourself. Don’t forget that you are loved by many people—your family, your friends—these are all forms of love. Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love; self-love is also love. If you end a relationship because of infidelity, it's their problem. But if you stop loving yourself because of it, it’s not entirely their problem.

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As someone who studies intimate relationships, the more I research, the more I find that prioritizing romantic love above all else is foolish and unnatural. The world is not just about that one person. You might hear friends comfort you with "There are plenty of fish in the sea," but I think a better interpretation is that you don’t have to be in a one-on-one romantic relationship to be loved. You exist in social relationships, and you will inevitably be loved by some people.

 

Don’t stop acknowledging that you are loved. Happy Qixi Festival.


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